Understanding 1 Samuel 20: What the Bible Says About David, Jonathan, and True Loyalty

Today I’m reflecting on a portion of Scripture that, for me, stirs up both curiosity and an ache for clarity. It’s from 1 Samuel 20:

“Therefore you shall deal kindly with your servant, for you have brought your servant into a covenant of the Lord with you. Nevertheless, if there is iniquity in me, kill me yourself, for why should you bring me to your father?” … As soon as the lad had gone, David arose from a place toward the south, fell on his face to the ground, and bowed down three times. And they kissed one another; and they wept together, but David more so.”— 1 Samuel 20:8, 41 NKJV

Reading this today took me back to a church service I attended over a decade ago. I was visiting

a church in the Northeast where the pastor used this very passage to support same-sex relationships and marriage. I don’t remember the entire sermon (I wasn’t taking detailed notes at the time), but I do remember the unsettled feeling it left me with. I’ve quietly wrestled with it ever since. As I read the passage again this morning, I found myself asking:

• Why did David and Jonathan express their love for each other in such intense language?

• Why is the word covenant — something I usually associate with marriage — used to

  describe their relationship?

• Is this where some people find room for misinterpretation or confusion?

Today, my goal isn’t to tell anyone how to live or to cast stones. I have no room to point fingers. When religious leaders tried to condemn a woman caught in sin, and Jesus said, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” That’s not what I’m here to do. What I do want to do is simply share how I’m learning to wrestle with the Word, ask honest questions, and seek truth.

🤔 What’s really going on between David and Jonathan?

✅ Covenant language in Scripture isn’t limited to marriage.In ancient Israel, covenants could be between friends, tribes, or even nations. They were formal, sacred promises often made before God — commitments of loyalty, protection, or peace. David and Jonathan’s covenant wasn’t romantic; it was a pledge of faithfulness, even in the face of danger. Jonathan, the rightful heir to Saul’s throne, chooses to support David because he recognizes God’s hand on him. Their covenant reflected brotherhood, loyalty, and sacrifice.

✅ Cultural expression looked different then.When the Bible describes David and Jonathan kissing and weeping together, it’s not describing a romantic act. In ancient Middle Eastern cultures, it was normal for men to greet or part with a kiss on the cheek or beard — a sign of respect, affection, or honor. This was a farewell between two men whose lives were at stake, overwhelmed with emotion because they may never see each other again.

✅ Modern lenses can distort ancient meaning. It’s easy (especially in today’s culture) to read passionate expressions of friendship and think there must be more to it. But the Bible doesn’t present their relationship as sexual or romantic. The deep love described between them is a beautiful example of what godly friendship can look like — not a justification for sexual sin.

I can see how this passage could be misunderstood, especially if someone is looking for validation for something Scripture elsewhere addresses clearly (Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11). But that’s exactly why we have to slow down, ask questions, look at context, and trust the whole counsel of God’s Word — not just one passage in isolation.

If you’re reading this and you’re wrestling too — whether it’s with this passage or with what the Bible says about relationships, sexuality, or anything else — I want you to know: you’re not alone. We all wrestle. And God can handle our questions. His Word is alive, and when we come to it humbly, He is faithful to teach us. I’m not here to condemn. I’m here to learn, to listen, and to let the Word shape me. And I pray that same grace over you as you seek Him through the Word.