2 Samuel 14: Longing for Absalom

I can’t help but wonder how hard all of this was for David. Watching your own children fall apart—turning on each other like that—is the kind of heartbreak no parent every wants to experience.

As a single mom, I find myself constantly questioning things. Did I handle that right? Was I too harsh? Too lenient? Did I say the wrong thing? Not say enough? Parenting is already too much

alone, but when you're navigating a blended family—bio kids, two adopted, and fostering layered in—it can feel like trying to merge raging rivers.

Sometimes as two rivers come together, they crash. The words that have come out of my biological kids’ mouths toward my adopted ones have shocked me. They are hurtful and yet they are also hurting. All of It Is so human. Emotions collide in a home where everyone’s story started somewhere different. When I read about Absalom and Tamar, and I see David’s silence… I don’t know what he was thinking. The Bible doesn’t really tell us. I know what it feels like to sit in the aftermath and wish I’d done something different. It's like you are darned If you do and darned If you don't. As a parent we are often trying manage so much and try to fix what feels unfixable.

What stands out most, though, is this: I don’t see David talking to the Lord about any of it. That Is so unbearable of a thought to me. I don’t know how I could survive the day without bringing it all—every messy, painful, confusing piece—to the Lord. The more I do, the more I want to hear from Him. I think about how God sees us. How we were the ones on the outside, and He chose to adopt us anyway. Not because we did anything to deserve It, but because His love is that deep.

How can a parent not long for a child who’s missing? David didn’t seem to get much right, but then again neither have I. The more I live, the more I realize I still have so much to learn.