“Then Joseph left suddenly, because his heart was full of tender feelings for his brother. He was about to break down, so he went to his room and cried. After he had washed his face, he came out, and controlling himself, he ordered the meal to be served.”
Genesis 43:30-31 GNT
Ok there is no way of knowing for sure what Joseph was feeling for certain but 2 things came to mind as I read this today. It was either the deep release that grief causes as it’s being processed or it’s an overwhelming wave of joy. And I sense it was both
I have had about 6 major things happen in the last decade that I should have grieved. Instead I tried to move right over it as if I’m a machine. Im not sure if I consciously tried to not grieve in a
healthy way or if I was just determined to not get sad and feel the loss. Regardless I have learned that there is no avoiding the grieving process. As a matter of fact if we avoid it we are just kicking the can down the road. It will hit us at some point if we don't attend to the loss and the feelings that come with it. I have always been a bit stubburn, I guess, and eventually learn the hard way (LOL).
Some of the hard things I have walked through in the last several years may have felt like a loss, but in reality I needed to reframe my experience because "the Lord was protecting and redirecting me." in most situations. I may not understand what that is or how it will all work out, but a revelation I have recently had is I KNOW the One who does! That gets me excited.
Grief is just that, it is about something that has been lost, the perception of a loss, something we will never get back and it's worse when we feel we were owed or deserved something.
As I watched Joseph FEEL like he was in this passage it brought up a lot of FEELS for me. Years of anger and questions around his hurt had to be hitting him. There is also the reality of all he had missed not being home with his family. I truly can't be sure I know what he was feeling all I can say is it moved me in such a way it reminded me of the importance of processing grief.
What is so cool about the process of grief is how it eventually allows up to move forward in a healthy way. When we don't work through the process we are usually picking up patterns of coping with our experience (or perceived experience) that are extremely harmful to ourselves and most likely others. Anyway, what is your experience with today's chapter?
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