1 Samuel 9: How Am I NOT Disqualified?

“Kish had a son named Saul, a choice and handsome man; among the sons of Israel there was not a man more handsome than he. From his shoulders and up he was [a head] taller than any of the people.” 1 Samuel 9:2 (AMP)

When I read this verse today, I couldn’t help but think about who I was 15 years ago. On paper, I was rising fast—thriving in my career, checking the boxes, gaining influence. I looked strong, capable, impressive… maybe even a little like Saul.

And in some ways, I really was. But behind the scenes, I was barely holding it all together.

I walked through a divorce. I leaned on alcohol more than I want to admit. I burned out. My health took a hit. And I started to realize that the life I was living didn’t look anything like what I thought God had promised.

There are still days I feel like I missed a turn somewhere. Like I’ve wasted time, or worse—wasted my gifts.

I know that’s not true. I know it. But it doesn’t stop the battle. The enemy is relentless in whispering that I’ve failed. That it’s too late. That I’ve disappointed God.

And honestly? If I didn’t have this daily rhythm of being in the Word… if I didn’t have community around me… I don’t know if I’d still be standing. There are days when waving the white flag feels easier than staying in the fight.

Saul was handpicked. Chosen. His story took a tragic turn—not because he wasn’t gifted, but because he lost sight of the One who called him. I immediately start praying as I read that, “oh Lord don’t let this be me!”

I don’t want to live a life that looks impressive but ends in regret. I want to live fully—wholeheartedly—anchored in who God says I am. Not chasing approval. Not masking pain. Not giving in to fear. Some would call this imposter syndrome. I think it’s deeper than that. It’s the ache to live in alignment with the purpose God knit into me from the start.

What about you? What part of your story makes you feel disqualified? Or are you barely making it about yourself break? What if that’s the very place God wants to begin again?