This one was heavy for me today. Never has this section quite hit me like it did today!!!! I’ve wrestled with so much. (Be sure to read chapter 12 quick before we jump in.)
“Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end. He did not give up because of the cross! On the contrary, because of the joy that was waiting for him, he thought nothing of the disgrace of dying on the cross, and he is now seated at the right side of God's throne. Think of what he went through; how he put up with so much hatred from sinners! So do not let yourselves become discouraged and give up.”
Hebrews 12:2-3 GNT
Did I quit on my marriage?
Did I quit on on my company because I was too good to be anything but the head honcho?
Im a big believer in being a copy cat, as long as you follow the right cat…today I see that cat as Jesus. I hear you, "Kami of course following Jesus is the right way to go..." I know I get it. Today I saw some of my past through a different lens as I watched how the Lord walked through hard
things while He was here on earth. He didn't allow the hard things going on around him to keep him from trusting God fully even to the point of death on the cross. This is what has me reflecting so deeply. Did I stop trusting God in my marriage? Did I stop trusting God with my career dreams and goals?
“After all, you have not yet reached the point of sweating blood in your opposition to sin.”
Hebrews 12:4 TPT
“After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.”
Hebrews 12:4 NLT
Looking at this verse in multiple translations has really broke me wide open to the “cost” of following Christ and even trusting Christ in all things. I can easily fall into self pity if I’m not careful. “Poor Kami” is just such a selfish perspective. Im learning to ask, "what was my part" so I can learn through all the things Ive been through or will go through.
Listen I’m not beating myself up. I’m trying to honestly look at my life through the lens of what Christ modeled.
I’m definitely not falling into morbid reflection, but I am lamenting times when I may have given up, fallen into self-pity or lost hope in God. I am grieving parts of my career and marriage I hadn't yet grieved. There is so much I am feeling right now that my words cannot adequately convey. I pray as you read the Holy Spirit is giving you your own revelation as he Is giving me mine. I meditated on this for quite a while and then went to church before I sat down to write.
Y’all God has just been so comforting as I wrestled with the Word today. My worship should always be in response to God's presence, not on what is happening in the present. I want my joy to be based on who God is, not on what He has done or didn't do for me. I want to center myself on His goodness and faithfulness even when It doesn't feel good. Sometimes revelation doesn't come right away, it may come all throughout the day.
Lord may your grace be sufficient for me today. Help me remember that everything I need can be found in your loving arms.
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