2 Samuel 19: Living in the Tension of Both/And
- Kami Pentecost
- Jul 21
- 3 min read
“The king covered his face and cried aloud, ‘O my son Absalom! O Absalom, my son, my son!’ Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, ‘Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come on you from your youth till now.’ So the king got up and took his seat in the gateway. When the men were told, ‘The king is sitting in the gateway,’ they all came before him.” 2 Samuel 19:4–8 (NIV)
This feels so relatable on so many levels for me. Here's the scene: David is both a father and the king of Israel/Judah. He’s grieving the death of his son, Absalom, which makes sense right...then in walks Joab, one of David's most loyal men and he loses It on David. He makes It so clear how frustrated he Is with Davids behavior. Not only is he questioning David's loyalty after so many risked their lives to protect the King, but he questions David's loyalty too. It's so easy to understand where he's coming from. It also makes so much sense why David Is grieving too.
How relatable is this!? Ive been one where the hats I wear feel like they’re pulling me in opposite directions. YES David's men, his people need leadership now more than ever, but he Is also human and his heart Is grieving. Ever been in the position where leadership calls for strength, but your heart is breaking in private. It's a time when your people expect you to show up larger than ever, and you’re still trying to catch your breath from the most recent loss or heartbreak.
Our tendency is to ask, “What should be the priority?” I’m learning that’s not always the right question. The reality is—we are both. Called and tired. Leading and healing. Parenting and processing. Obedient and overwhelmed.
The question isn’t “which hat do I wear? ”It’s “how do I wear both well—without losing myself in the process?”
There are moments where what I carry as a mom feels like it’s in direct contradiction with what’s being asked of me as a leader. Or what I’m carrying as a bio-mom Is In contraction of my role as an adoptive mom. I was literally on the biggest run In my career when my marriage was falling a part. Talk about HARD! Maybe it's a struggle from the family of origin while still trying to steward something professionally or spiritually. Maybe it's a diagnosis in the midst of the worst time. There’s no formula. It’s just the tension of both/and.
I don’t think David had a clean answer either, but he did get up. He didn’t stop being a father. He didn’t stop grieving nor did he stop leading. He showed up to the gate and let the people know—he was still there. That speaks to me. Some days, showing up is the win. It doesn't mean It happens perfectly. Sometimes all we can do Is show up In spite of not haveing It all figured out. There are days where being present, vulnerable and willing Is just the best we can do.
If you’re holding something heavy today while still trying to lead, nurture, build, or serve—know that you’re not alone. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just human. You were never meant to carry all of this without God. I love this song when I feel exactly this way...God is Not Against Me!
...this is not my fight, You are my defense, You hold my life, this is my confidence......You are by my side, You call me friend, You hold my life...
Where are you feeling the tension of both/and right now? What would it look like to show up anyway—without cutting off the human parts of you that still need space to feel?
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