Acts 10
Today is a struggle for me. I don’t even know where to begin. Yesterday proved to be very tough. I feel so confused, sad, angry, concerned… Im all over the placed. I got a ton of push back last night from all 4 kiddos about bringing C into our home. I mean I get it. Im not doing backflips about having another child, the added responsibility, the change in dynamics and the transition that will be inevitable in our home, but I also have such a pull to help her.
In the midst of the all the pushback I knew bringing C for the week was not a good idea for any of us. It caused me to pause. I just felt so broken hearted about it all. I hurt for her, I hurt for my kids and I hurt for me. The only thing I know to do in this moment is to cry out “Lord you know my heart, the kids’ heart, C’s heart…show us your will. Guide us Lord accordingly. Keep us in the center of your will.”
I called C’s case manager to back out on taking her for the week. She was great about it really, but what else can she do. Meanwhile I wrestle all night about it. I didn’t sleep well. I can’t believe how absolutely called to this I feel. I continue to pray “Lord you know my heart, show my kids your will. Show me your will.” I feel helpless and like Im abandoning C.
SOOOOOO this morning I read Acts 10.
The voice spoke again. “Nothing is unclean if God declares it to be clean.”
Peter said to them, “You all know that it is against the Jewish laws for me to associate with or even visit the home of one who is not a Jew. Yet God has shown me that I should never view anyone as inferior or ritually unclean.”
The Jewish brothers who had accompanied Peter were astounded that the gift of the Holy Spirit was poured out on people who weren’t Jews.
Acts 10:15, 28, 45 TPT
This is the beginning of the Lord no longer being Lord of only the Jews but of gentiles too. What a reminder to me today that the Lord has got it. He’s got C. He’s got the kids and he has me. There’s a plan. Adoption Is God's Idea and he certainly knows what He Is doing...“Trust Kami, Trust…be still.” I hear it. I feel it. So here I sit, “Lord show me your will. Lord show me your will.”
…currently on pause
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